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We talked to our kids about souls

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Swinging Bridge at Babcock State Park, West Virginia, autumn on andreabadgley.com
Swinging Bridge at Babcock State Park, West Virginia

“Hey Mom, are trees living things or living beings?”

Our nine year old son looked into the forest then up at me as we hiked side by side along a gurgling brook. His dad and sister walked a few steps ahead of us. Upstream was the Glade Creek Grist Mill in West Virginia, a rustic wooden building with a pitched roof. Today its wet planks were framed by yellowing autumn trees.

Glade Creek Grist Mill, Babcock State Park, WV October 2013
Glade Creek Grist Mill, Babcock State Park, WV autumn 2013
Glade Creek Grist Mill, Babcock State Park, West Virginia October 2013
Stream with rocks and autumn leaves, Babcock State Park, WV October 2013

“I guess that depends on what you mean by living being,” I said. “I think of a being as — ” I tried to think of words that would be familiar to him. I failed. “As a sentient being — something that has a soul.” The path was littered in gold, red, and toast brown leaves, and I kicked at a drift with my leather hiking shoe.

“Personally, I think of trees as living beings,” I told him, “but I think a lot of people probably think of them as living things.” Our son looked up the mountain into the dripping forest.

“What’s a soul?” he asked.

I sucked in a big breath. “Oh boy,” I said. Up ahead, our daughter twirled a red maple leaf between her thumb and pointer finger. “Your soul, if you believe in souls, is…” I struggled to find words. “It’s the part of you that makes you you.”

“You mean like your personality?” he asked.

“No, the spirit part. The part that is left after you die,” I said, then immediately knew what was going to come next.

“So like a ghost then!” our daughter said.

This was difficult.

“Not quite.” I searched my brain, trying to find language to describe souls to a seven and a nine year old.

“Your soul is the parts of you that aren’t physical,” my husband told them. “Your feelings, memories, friendships. The emotions you feel. Love.”

Our son tilted his head. “But isn’t all that stuff just your brain?”

I looked up to the trees again, hoping for some help. There was no wind; the trees were not talking.

“Yes, that’s one way to look at it,” I said. We like to give our kids a suite of options when it comes to spirituality and religion, to let them know that there is no hard and fast answer. No agreed upon truth that works for everyone all at the same time, and that they get to choose what they believe. “Some people believe that what Dad and I are describing as spiritual — feelings, intuition, love — is purely physical. A series of chemical reactions in our brains, nothing more.”

He kicked at leaves, thinking. I was still stuck on the soul thing. I wasn’t satisfied that we’d explained what a soul is.

“Remember when we talked about reincarnation?” I asked. The kids had asked about religion several months prior, and I told them I thought there are as many paths to God as there are people on earth. Then, in typical over-informative fashion, I gave them synopses of several religions of the world: Christianity and Judaism, Buddhism and Hinduism, Wicca, and Islam. The concepts of reincarnation and karma resonated with them more than the idea of heaven and hell did.

Iridescent blue green insect on dry leaf, Babcock State Park, WV October 2013 on andreabadgley.com
Our son’s ambition: to be a bug

“Yeah.” He looked up at me. He remembered the reincarnation talk. “Like I could come back as a bug!” This excited him, the idea of coming back as a bug.

“Remember how I said that when you die some people believe you go to heaven or hell, or in the case of reincarnation, you might come back as something else – another person, or maybe a bug?” I said. “The soul is the part of you that would go from one life to the next, that would go into that bug after your body died. It’s the part that would carry everything you learned in each incarnation.”  I gestured uselessly to my heart. “The spirit part.”

My brain hurt from the effort of describing this. Soul, sentient, spirit. How do you explain these things? “But reincarnation is just one idea. Brain chemistry is another.”

“So nobody knows the real answer,” our son said. “What happens when we die, whether our feelings are just our brain or part of our soul.”

“Nope. It all depends on what you believe,” I said. “Nobody knows for sure.”

The leaves in the trees rustled a little. Not much, but enough to remind me of our son’s original question.

Green, red, yellow leaves Babcock state park, WV, October 2013
Appalachian Valley in early autumn, Babcock State Park, WV October 2013
Autumn leaves on grassy hill, Babcock State Park, WV October 2013
Golden tree (beech?) in sunbeam, autumn, Appalachia

“I think mostly people think humans have souls, and maybe animals have souls, but I don’t know that a lot of people think of plants as having souls. So most people would probably call trees living things.” I looked up at the green and orange and yellow and red leaves, and the strong trunks with rough or papery or chunky bark, and I saw how all those trees were nestled together as a community on the mountainside, gathering sunlight, being beautiful. I thought about the times that I have felt one with the whispering forest, when there was no doubt in my heart, or mind, or soul that trees are part of the same absolute that I am a part of, that we are kindred.

“Do you ever feel a connection to nature?” I asked our son. “Like, in your heart, a feeling that doesn’t have words, you just feel it when you’re out in the woods or by a stream or something?” It was my last hope, in this “thing” versus “being” discussion, that he would know what I was talking about.

“Yes.” He said this without hesitation, and I knew he would get it now.

“Me too,” I said. “Sometimes when a breeze blows through and the trees sway and their leaves rustle, I feel like they are talking. I don’t know what they are saying, but they are saying something.” I looked up to the forest again. “In their tree language.” Our son giggled. “I feel connected to them somehow, like they have spirits, or souls, or whatever you want to call it.”

“So when I think of trees,” I said, “I think of them as living beings and not just living things.”

Our son’s eyes flared with understanding as he looked up at me. “Yes,” he said. His body relaxed with the contentment of a seeker who has found the answer he sought. “I think you’re exactly right, Mom.”

Yellow is autumn trees to me. Originally published October 17, 2013.

214 thoughts on “We talked to our kids about souls”

  1. What an amazing and inspiring article! Meeting you in real life would be an adventure I’m sure. Keep on keeping on in sharing your amazing insight with your children 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love how you talk with your kids. They are very lucky to have you as parents. Gorgeous photos too. Thanks for sharing. Steph x

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  8. If my kid asked me about something as deep as that, my answer would be similar to the way you started out saying that a soul is you spiritual being, but then I would have told him Jesus said “no man cometh to the Father but by me” and after telling him that truth I would have then said “son, its your choice now, choose you this day whom ye will serve.” That age is the same age I questioned how everything came about. He deserves to know that his Creator loved him enough to send his only begotten Son to die on a cross for his sin. What a wonderful peace I have now in my heart, never to wonder again. God is so good.

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  9. hard to be a parent sometimes when they ask these questions but good for your own clear thinking and lovely too, especially when years later you realise they took all you said on board and kept it
    (except my son wanted to come back as a teddy bear and i imagine he must have changed his mind about that by now)

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  10. I smiled when I read this story. I can tell your son is a thoughtful person. My son is only 4, but he’s also been asking a lot of questions about life, death, soul, spirit, God…they’re hard questions to answer, and he’s not as mature as your son, so I’ve felt a little out of my depth. Thanks for giving me some ideas to try in our next conversation!

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  14. I love how although you found it hard to convey to your child what a soul is. You dug deep, and explained it to them in such a beautiful, non-confusing way. Beautiful post, from a beautiful soul.

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  15. Respect, understanding, live and let live. Its that easy.. and hard at the same time… Too easy to get lost in filosophical thinking… think first about the living beings that are massively abused and used by that one ugly living being called human.

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  16. Wisha, wisha, wisha. (?) Enid Blyton’s, The enchanted wood. I have read this book to my children many times but have failed to enjoy it. However, I love how the trees talk…”wisha, wisha, wisha”. They seem to say everything that needs to be said but the children ( and we by default) fail to hear it. And so we must venture further to find out for ourselves. This for me, in its simplicity speaks volumes. In the abstact world of our heads we ponder whether trees have souls and in the process fail to see the tangible reality that of course they do. We miss the message whilst looking for it.

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  17. You have such a beautiful way with words. Thank you for the post! I also admire you and your husband’s ways of parenting, allowing your children to find their own beliefs. I’m curious to know what it is you believe in. I in particular do not believe in reincarnation as I believe we were created for a purpose, not just to live and die, permutate into a new being and then repeat the process endlessly. I beleieve humans were created with love and intention. Because I admire your openness, would you care to discuss beliefs? Or post your point of views? I would love to learn more!

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  22. You have a beautiful way of helping your children to understand life. Its such a difficult subject to discuss, but you sure mastered it. What beautiful minds you all have xxx

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  25. I think this is cool because in my religon (LDS often called mormons)we have a scripture(Moses 3:5) that talks about creating all things spritually before making them physically. We belive that before being born on earth we lived in a sprit world. We then came to this life, then after death we go to eather sprit prison or paradise.(simlar to heaven or hell, only those who have reached paradise are teaching and helping those in sprit prison learn about God and perpare for judgment were they will gain varying degrees of glory coming with differnt places were they will live) anyway I thought this was a cool post and really liked what you said about feeling a connection to the trees. I think nature is a realy great place to connect and think. That place looks absolutely beautiful I’d like to visit there sometime.

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  29. I really admire the honesty of this piece and I also admire the fact that you are not afraid to be vulnerable in front of your children. Many parents are very authoritative and the first answer they think of is the answer they force upon their babies. I’m glad you showed a little struggle. It gives them insight to the idea that you’re not just their Mom but also a human being. You may not have all the answers but you will always try and give them the best one.

    Bravo!

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  31. I am 28, and for a few years now i have been very much on the fence about havibg children. This post has given me a sense that if I do have children in our current cultural climate, there is still hope for them to live a fulfilling life. In a way, you have shown that my unborn, hypothetical offspring will have like ninded individuals around with whim they can explore, and ponder, the age okd questions of human existence. Thank you.

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  38. I thought i was crazy when i felt that same connection you described. Now i know i am not, haha. I have the strangest connection to them and i love to think i could be a tree through reincarnation. I love to draw them and speak to them through my mind when i take walks. I absolutely love this. Always be good to your children, children take all of their knowledge from you.

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  41. this is fabulous & similar to conversations i have had with my daughter – who at the end of it decided she believed in reincarnation because she really wanted to be a kitty someday 🙂

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