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Feeling vulnerable about blogging

The self-doubt is creeping in. I’ve published 12 blog posts in a row, all written on the fly with minimal editing, and with rare exception, minimal planning. I get up, I write, I publish.

I needed to break out of a rut. I was writing privately, a lot of nothing, and frankly, I was trying too hard. I was putting pressure on myself to write a cerain way, to write a certain type, to write meaningfully, to write big ideas, to provoke thought, to write something different, to go beyond myself. I felt like I was pressing against an elastic wall, and private writing wasn’t helping me break through.

Then I said the hell with it. This isn’t working for me. I’ve got to get out of my notebooks. I’ll just write. I’ll write on my blog, and maybe sometimes something good will come out.

And for the first few days that was good. And I was good. I started getting streak notices: You’re on a 3-day streak on Butterfly Mind! Then 6-day, 10-day, 12-day. Today will be 13.

Then I made the mistake of reading my posts and I’m like, who cares? Why would I publish this instead of just hiding it safely in my journal?

I mean, I know why I did it. I know why I do it even though it’s lot safer inside my elastic-walled bubble. I am more disciplined, and I examine my work more closely when what I write might actually be read. Sometimes I even choose better words for the published post than the ones I used in the first draft. Sometimes I like what I wrote enough to give it that much care. When I publish, I’m working on the craft of writing in a way I don’t when I just dump my brain in a journal.

Still, I second guess. I see all the flaws, the mediocrity, the lack of action, or tension, or point. I try to remember that perfection is not the goal, but improvement is. If I keep writing, sometimes something special will happen.

8 thoughts on “Feeling vulnerable about blogging”

  1. I used to blog every day. I did it for a long time, years! Then I got too busy writing books. But I kept blogging once a week and I liked my posts better. They were sharper and I paid more attention to having an actual point. I still journal morning pages every day and I love the freedom of just dumping and not having to worry about anybody reading it because I never show my MP to anyone!! I liked reading your post today because I can relate. 🙂

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  3. I read your posts Andrea! Just for the joy of reading them, little snippets into moments of your life. It’s amazing to read the experiences of another human being that is living, at the same time as me, and I’ve never met and may never meet. Our human brains love to create doubt and question our use of time, especially when it involves exposing ourselves to the world. That won’t go away. But intellectually you get to choose why you do it. And your reason only has to be good enough for you, no one else.

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  4. I have the same doubts. But when I get too worried, I try and say to myself “Who cares?” I started writing to capture memories and share positive stories. It would be a shame if performance anxiety stops us from pushing our joys and captured stories out into the world. I find it helps telling myself that I’m not the world’s greatest writer. That I can always learn to do better. Makes me feel grateful for the small community of fellow bloggers who do read my stuff sometimes. There was a great writing prompt from WordPress a few years ago. “Why do you write?” it asked us. I always find it helpful to ask myself that question from time to time.

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  5. Same here, lady. But I weirdly find it find to do the editing that comes with it, adding visual flair and all that jazz. I do believe that we continue to get better the more writing we do. Thanks for this great post!

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  7. I go through the same with food blogging – I started to wonder who cares. But I’ve always said that I blog because it’s fun, it’s a way to express myself, and I’m doing it for myself. So now I don’t care who cares 🙂

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