This morning, when I skipped my workout and instead listened to a podcast, I learned a distinction in how to think about purpose in our lives. The podcast episode was The Happiness Lab’s How to Find Your Purpose.
I am a sucker for this subject. I want to live a rich, fulfilling life that leaves me with few regrets on my deathbed. Purpose seems to be a key component to both richness and fulfillment. But when I seek my Purpose, I feel anxiety instead of direction. I don’t know my Purpose! What if I never find it?
Jordan Grumet, the guest on the podcast, addresses this worry. He distinguishes between big P Purpose and little p purpose. Purpose with a big P is the one that gets me, and apparently a lot of people, stressed. It feels like, “Why am I here? What am I meant to do?” It induces anxiety if we want to find Purpose but don’t know where to look. Little p purpose, though, does not ask “why?”; it doesn’t examine the reason for our existence. Instead it asks, “what lights you up?”
Purpose does not have to be an epic, put all your eggs in this one basket or you fail at life kind of thing. It can (and Grumet argues should) be about the daily ordinary, where we spend the bulk of our lives. I love the daily ordinary! I can do this kind of purpose.
Open windows and fresh air light me up. Working in the garden lights me up: pulling weeds, growing plants, arranging them in the garden, putting fresh water out for the birds, looking for caterpillars, watching flowers bloom, sitting and smelling and watching. I cannot wait for my sabbatical for this! Great conversations light me up. Conversations where I learn a person’s inner workings and feelings, when they’ve shared something intimate and vulnerable, when we’ve taken each other into one another’s trust. Snuggling with my husband or the cats (or both) lights me up. Beauty lights me up: art, music, trees, nature, architecture, design, literature. Just the word literature makes my heart skip a beat. Writing something that resonates with even one person lights me up. Good food lights me up. Traveling, playing games, laughing, and talking about life with our kids light me up.
All of these are achievable. They are not intimidating. They are constant loves that are unlikely to change. They are my little p purpose that create a rich and fulfilling life.
Butterfly Mind 
4 responses to “Little p purpose”
On Christmas Eve as I was on a plane headed to visit my parents, I read Cafe at the Edge of the World, which was a birthday gift from a friend (my birthday is the week before Christmas). It got me asking myself exactly this question – “why am I here”. In the context of the book, it is pretty open-ended as to how one should interpret that question. One could interpret it very much in an immediate sense, like “why did I walk into this room?” sort of sense. Or “why did I come to this party?” Or “why I am sitting at a desk typing while the sun is shining?”. But one can also look at more from the big P Purpose perspective, which is how I have mostly been thinking about it.
The book is full of parables and analogies. One that particularly struck me was the story of a fisherman, who every day woke up, had breakfast with his family, caught enough fish for dinner, then had dinner with his family, and strolled along the beach with his wife while his children swam. A stranger asked him if he had thought about catching extra fish to sell. He could make some money, and with that money, then he could buy more boats and hire employees, and make a ton of money. The fisherman asked him why would he want to do that. The answer: “so you can retire. When you are retired, you can do whatever you want”. The man thought about what he would like to do in retirement. He really enjoyed fishing and spending time with his family. Of course, when he is old, his children won’t have as much time for him. In other words, why should he wait for retirement to do what he loves, when he already can. In this line of thinking, it comes back to the “little p” purpose. In many ways, the sum of all the little things we do are what defines us and our purpose in the long run.
The thing that really lights my fire more than anything else in the world is music. That has been true since I was about 13, when I fell in love with playing the drums. I almost tried a career as a professional musician, but knew how hard that can be, and instead went a more practical route, with the thinking that I can always do music on the side, which I have to a good extent. I think that has probably been the right decision.
Thanks for sharing such a thoughtful post! It definitely resonates with me.
I’m so glad this resonated with you, Rob. I read your blog post about Cafe on the Edge of the World and it resonated with me — I love thinking about these kinds of things! I put the book on hold at my library.
Hi Rob,
I love your thoughtful response to Andrea’s post and it made me think about my son. He played the trombone and was quite talented, but the reality is that most musicians end up teaching and/or working nights and he didn’t want that lifestyle. When it became time to choose a career he opted for a more conservative route and became a lawyer. He started climbing the corporate ladder and then realised that he was working most nights and weekends, so he switched to a less frenetic job (still lawyering, but 9-5).
Sometimes it saddens me that he hasn’t fulfilled his potential, but he is happy spending time with his partner and their dog.
As they say in the old adage, no-one ever lies on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time at work.
Thanks also for the book rec. I’ll check it out.
Marg from Book Chat
https://marg.substack.com/
I would argue that what lights you up is the big P purpose! I don’t think there’s a difference. I just think that for some of us, it isn’t just one thing and the thing has probably changed a few times over the course of one life.