“Hey Mom, are trees living things or living beings?”
Our nine year old son looked into the forest then up at me as we hiked side by side along a gurgling brook. His dad and sister walked a few steps ahead of us. Upstream was the Glade Creek Grist Mill in West Virginia, a rustic wooden building with a pitched roof. Today its wet planks were framed by yellowing autumn trees.
“I guess that depends on what you mean by living being,” I said. “I think of a being as — ” I tried to think of words that would be familiar to him. I failed. “As a sentient being — something that has a soul.” The path was littered in gold, red, and toast brown leaves, and I kicked at a drift with my leather hiking shoe.
“Personally, I think of trees as living beings,” I told him, “but I think a lot of people probably think of them as living things.” Our son looked up the mountain into the dripping forest.
“What’s a soul?” he asked.
I sucked in a big breath. “Oh boy,” I said. Up ahead, our daughter twirled a red maple leaf between her thumb and pointer finger. “Your soul, if you believe in souls, is…” I struggled to find words. “It’s the part of you that makes you you.”
“You mean like your personality?” he asked.
“No, the spirit part. The part that is left after you die,” I said, then immediately knew what was going to come next.
“So like a ghost then!” our daughter said.
This was difficult.
“Not quite.” I searched my brain, trying to find language to describe souls to a seven and a nine year old.
“Your soul is the parts of you that aren’t physical,” my husband told them. “Your feelings, memories, friendships. The emotions you feel. Love.”
Our son tilted his head. “But isn’t all that stuff just your brain?”
I looked up to the trees again, hoping for some help. There was no wind; the trees were not talking.
“Yes, that’s one way to look at it,” I said. We like to give our kids a suite of options when it comes to spirituality and religion, to let them know that there is no hard and fast answer. No agreed upon truth that works for everyone all at the same time, and that they get to choose what they believe. “Some people believe that what Dad and I are describing as spiritual — feelings, intuition, love — is purely physical. A series of chemical reactions in our brains, nothing more.”
He kicked at leaves, thinking. I was still stuck on the soul thing. I wasn’t satisfied that we’d explained what a soul is.
“Remember when we talked about reincarnation?” I asked. The kids had asked about religion several months prior, and I told them I thought there are as many paths to God as there are people on earth. Then, in typical over-informative fashion, I gave them synopses of several religions of the world: Christianity and Judaism, Buddhism and Hinduism, Wicca, and Islam. The concepts of reincarnation and karma resonated with them more than the idea of heaven and hell did.
“Yeah.” He looked up at me. He remembered the reincarnation talk. “Like I could come back as a bug!” This excited him, the idea of coming back as a bug.
“Remember how I said that when you die some people believe you go to heaven or hell, or in the case of reincarnation, you might come back as something else – another person, or maybe a bug?” I said. “The soul is the part of you that would go from one life to the next, that would go into that bug after your body died. It’s the part that would carry everything you learned in each incarnation.” I gestured uselessly to my heart. “The spirit part.”
My brain hurt from the effort of describing this. Soul, sentient, spirit. How do you explain these things? “But reincarnation is just one idea. Brain chemistry is another.”
“So nobody knows the real answer,” our son said. “What happens when we die, whether our feelings are just our brain or part of our soul.”
“Nope. It all depends on what you believe,” I said. “Nobody knows for sure.”
The leaves in the trees rustled a little. Not much, but enough to remind me of our son’s original question.
“I think mostly people think humans have souls, and maybe animals have souls, but I don’t know that a lot of people think of plants as having souls. So most people would probably call trees living things.” I looked up at the green and orange and yellow and red leaves, and the strong trunks with rough or papery or chunky bark, and I saw how all those trees were nestled together as a community on the mountainside, gathering sunlight, being beautiful. I thought about the times that I have felt one with the whispering forest, when there was no doubt in my heart, or mind, or soul that trees are part of the same absolute that I am a part of, that we are kindred.
“Do you ever feel a connection to nature?” I asked our son. “Like, in your heart, a feeling that doesn’t have words, you just feel it when you’re out in the woods or by a stream or something?” It was my last hope, in this “thing” versus “being” discussion, that he would know what I was talking about.
“Yes.” He said this without hesitation, and I knew he would get it now.
“Me too,” I said. “Sometimes when a breeze blows through and the trees sway and their leaves rustle, I feel like they are talking. I don’t know what they are saying, but they are saying something.” I looked up to the forest again. “In their tree language.” Our son giggled. “I feel connected to them somehow, like they have spirits, or souls, or whatever you want to call it.”
“So when I think of trees,” I said, “I think of them as living beings and not just living things.”
Our son’s eyes flared with understanding as he looked up at me. “Yes,” he said. His body relaxed with the contentment of a seeker who has found the answer he sought. “I think you’re exactly right, Mom.”
Yellow is autumn trees to me. Originally published October 17, 2013.
Butterfly Mind 
214 responses to “We talked to our kids about souls”
Your photographs take me back to my days in the saddle. Thanks for the flashback! Shifting gears, It is good that you do talk to your kids. Education should thrive in the home and communication is a great start. Another topic parents should focus on (in America), at home, with their children is our founding papers. I think the schools are failing our heirs miserably in reminding them of this Nation/s heritage.
Not all schools. Our township schools (Montgomery Township, NJ ) do a very good job with american history. I guarantee my kids know more about the foundations of the USA than the average American.
I felt had to respond. I’m not a fan of sweeping generalizations.
Too many school systems, Nationwide, allow themselves to become hostage to those Federal Dollars that suppress our children and their education. If your community has managed to bypass the rules and regulations of ‘no child left behind, and/or common core, more power to you. As for me, I am very concerned at the way our Constitution is being shredded leaving me to wonder how much of our founding ideals are actually being taught in schools anymore.
The Federal Government has all but negated our 4th Amendment rights beginning with the Patriot Act. Then came the NDAA, etc. My ‘sweeping generalizations are a result of my concern for our Nation as a whole. It seems to me if the majority of our kids/citizens in general realized what they are on the verge of losing, they would be fighting to preserve our rights, rather than standing by while Uncle Sam insidiously erases our rights, one by one, along with our borders in favor of the North American Union.
Parents need to make sure our/their children are aware of their rights as American Citizens, even if the schools drop the ball.
Thanks for having the courage to talk to your kids about big-picture ideas!
Love your pictures they make me think.
Love the pictures! Great post 🙂
so serene
Reblogged this on The road to infinity and commented:
what a splendid write-up!
Pure and absolutely absorbing.
Yes…sometimes its difficult to explain something to children. Need more patient and wisedom
Beautiful explanations….and I was with you on that rollercoaster as you struggled to find the words. What a lovely post…..oh and beautiful photos too!
I think you explained that beautifully. Open and honest, very heartfelt. Well done! That could not have been easy.
I agree with you!
I absolutely LOVED this beautiful post. You put it so well
for your young son to understand. I personally consider
myself a spiritual person, and believe that trees, flowers,
have energies, not exactly a soul, but something much
deeper, meaningful from Mother Earth, like a understanding
past down from centuries of knowledge these things
hold. I will have to see trees as living beings, not
just things. You brought more understanding
to me as well:).
Yes! I love this!
PS……LOVE the pictures!
I love this post 🙂 ♡
Wow👏😍
Reblogged this on luvr boi and commented:
Beautiful and very meaningful open discussion with the kids.. Now that’s what I call parenting!
A kindred absolute; a language of connectivity. Beautiful!
Still curious about “Our son’s ambition: to be a bug”….
He thought it would be cool to reincarnate as a bug 🙂
You know thats means he would have to live a fairly bad life to come back as a bug?!?
What an incredible conversation. Thank you for having the courage to explain things to your children in a form other than absolutes. Everything about this post is beautiful to me.
A great post and pictures….Thanks!
I love your honest struggle to explain such difficult and often personal ideas. Those trees really helped…sometimes our understanding is just a link,connection, feeling
But not easy to get that across to thoughtful children!
Well! This human has a brain that seems to FULLY work! This is an anomaly, folks! Rarely happens. Now go back and read this article at least three more times and clue up! Love is in the air and beautiful Butterfly Mind over here just read my mind! I am very proud of you! Now go post this on http://www.earthspeaksout.com and share the love because “I” know I NEED it!
Great photos!
I really love your explanation! If you don’t mind, I might borrow it for when the question comes from my 6 year old. He is a very smart little boy and is always asking difficult questions about the world! Thank you for sharing!
Not only your son. . . I too understood ‘something’. Thank you. . .
Thank you for such a beautiful post! I have always had a love for nature and the simple and quiet (sometimes noisy) beauty it has. Whenever I need to do some deep thinking I go outside, be it just my backyard or a hike in the local mountains, but I am always able to return back home with a crystal clear mind and a sense of enlightenment and calm. I really appreciate your beautiful post and bringing me back to some great inner reflections.
I’m in love with this post, it shows what parenting is all about the discussions and spending time together. And the pictures, i have only one word for it…beautiful …
Great !
Such a patient, accepting and open-hearted way you have of explaining ideas and beliefs most adults don’t ever consciously contemplate. Your children are lucky to have such loving, engaged parents.
Your giving your children CHOICES in what they want to believe in. I respect you deeply for that, let them choose their own path. Your explanations were unbias and perfect, amazing post and parenting!
Wow that was awesome
You did great explaining and I respect your answer and courage to continue to have this difficult conversation with such manner. It was also a great read.
Thanks. A lovely restorative post for the new year. Regards Thom.
Thank you for this. I love hearing that there are still good people in this world like you.
gorgeous pictures and even more beautiful narrative 🙂 thanks a very happy new year to all of you
Reblogged this on itsaghostcat and commented:
There is so much life within this post
I love this so much.
By the way. You sound like awesome parents whom are both knowledgable and enlighting as you walk amongst the forest with your kids explaining open-minded topics of religion and souls. I wish i had you as parents ha! Keep up teaching your kids to be open-minded!!! We need more humans like that in our world
This was beautiful!
When I walk through the shelves of antique stores, I tend to believe that even things have their own souls. Maybe it’s not easily understandable to you, but there is definitely something in them, that makes them unique. I believe that our assumption on what does or does not have a soul is a good description of our own emotional connection to the outer world. What would be left, if we did not believe in souls anyway?
These are tough questions to handle. I don’t think there are “right” or “wrong” answers there, and I hope your explanation will stimulate your children (and yourself) to investigate the subject further independently. I think it will – you clearly are good in doing your best to discuss such a complex topic with the most demanding audience.
On a side note, since you’ve mentioned religion – in Judaism, there is the concept of “layered” soul, that is, some ‘parts’ exist in all beings (including rocks, trees and humans) while other, more ‘elevated’, are thought to be posessed by humans only. Of course, it is a subject on which each Jew has a personal opinion and there’s no agreement on a consensus. If you’re interested in more information, check out an example of the discussion on what is what here:
http://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/8921/nefesh-neshama-and-ruach-as-words-for-soul
Beautiful way to explain life and love to your children. You also taught them to love amd respect nature! 🙂
Reblogged this on Her Mind Unveiled and commented:
Loved this piece.
“Do you ever feel a connection to nature?”
I’m asking my sons this question as soon as I get the chance. Great post.
Ulalala…. Beautiful insect..
Your story is warm, and lovely. The pictures give it breath and life. Thank you for sharing this conversation with your readers and your child…
I love this new generation! Beautiful photos too.
I love it. The message is very inspiring.
Love this post
This is amazing. Wow, debunking souls as well as a trip through nature? That’s brilliant (I think you managed it very well). It gets me thinking about the being vs thing idea, because yeah I get that feeling of oneness with nature – although of course being a city kid means that I’m more exposed to the frankly cold and harsh environment of tall glass buildings and pollution and such. The pictures are beautiful and adds that sense of mysticism to the post (or maybe I’m reading too much into it). Definitely going to pay more attention to the living being side of things now.
Its a nice place….but i like the wisdom you impart to your kids.
Conversations with innocence! Beautiful.
This was a wonderful post as well as a fine bit of parenting. No sense preaching at your kids about this stuff, they are going to explore it on their own anyway. Better to get them in the habit of looking with both eyes open.
Nice pics, too. I live in the Blue Ridge, in western NC, so I see a lot of that same scenery. Like you, it gets me thinking .
I love your pictures and your writing style. It was frank and open. However, it’s very different while looking at it from a Christian perspective. I tend to believe nature ‘spirits’ are just paganism and detestable to God. In my opinion, trees or nature in general are just creations of God (things without spirits). Of course, since I do not know if you are religious, I cannot say this for you. Nevertheless, thank you for the post.