Today is my day off from working last Sunday. I had expected it to be a quiet day at home with the house to myself. Maybe I’d write. Maybe I’d read. I didn’t really have any plans. But I did think I’d be at home alone.
It turns out, I’m not! In fact, everyone is home: husband, both kids, both cats, and me. We got an email last night that schools would be closed today due to snow. And miraculously, we have snow. We’ve had many days that school was canceled while the sun shone on dry roads.
I don’t know what to do with myself. Does that ever happen to you? Where you’ve got so many things you could do that you don’t end up doing any of them? When I envisioned this day off I was thinking I’d probably write a lot. I’d go down to my office, light my candle, and scribble away with my new fountain pens. Or maybe I’d do that at the kitchen table, or from the couch using my lapboard.
Instead, I’ve spent the past hour deleting photographs off of icloud because I had more than 11,000 on there and they’ve stopped syncing to my computer when I take new ones on my phone. WHAT A BORE. But it’s so addictive! I just select and select and select photos, then delete. And I tell myself, “After this set, I will quit.” And then I don’t quit. I keep selecting. I keep deleting.
Nobody needs me for anything, but at the same time I’m not able to disappear into a book or writing when everyone is here. I can’t commit to one thing. Is it because I have so many possibilities? Is it because I feel self-concious about how I spend my time when other people are around to witness it? The kids are watching Netflix and playing video games. Why would I feel self-concious about reading? I don’t understand it at all. Maybe it’s because it feels indulgent to read during the day. Maybe it’s because really, I’m making excuses not to write. (BINGO).
I did get my photos down to 8787. I’m going to close my laptop when I finish this post so I’m not tempted to go back in and start clicking. I think I’ll go look at the snow instead.