I’m kind of a mess. I skipped my morning workout. It has rained for two days straight, and the sun is supposed to come out today. I’m going to run when the sun comes up and the air warms outside. I’ve got to get out of the house and into sunlight.
Winter is going to be hard. However! Last time it was cold, when I made our first fire of the season, I brought in a bunch of firewood. At least when it does get cold, we’ll be able to have a fire again. Fires are what get me through winter these days. I dread the season more every year.
I’ve worked long days this week on a lot of things that required a lot of thinking. I can barely make words anymore. My brain is tired and mushy, and I’m in one of those states of mind that when I do log off from work, I’m both wired and exhausted and I don’t know what to do with myself: read? write? stare out a window? Nothing quite satisfies.
Part of that might have nothing to do with work, though, and may be more a result of my reading two books simultaneously, which is never good for me. I don’t like splitting my attention. But I am reading a nonfiction book, and I have a huge block against reading nonfiction at night. And I must read at night. Like, must. There is a step between 1. snuggle under covers and 3. close my eyes for sleep, and that step is 2. read book.
Night reading is for fiction. Even if the nonfiction is beautifully written, about a subject I’m interested in, reads as easily as fiction, and has nothing whatsoever to do with my job, nonfiction at night feels like work. I just can’t get excited about crawling into bed to escape into… something real.
So whenever I read a nonfiction book, which I am right now (For Small Creatures Such as We by Sasha Sagan), that means I’m actually reading two books: nonfiction and a novel. And that means that every time I have space to fill with a book, like this morning before work, or on my lunch break, I have to make a decision about which one to read. I don’t want to make a decision. (see previous: My brain is tired and mushy).
Since I’ve worked long days all week, maybe I’ll work a short day today to finish For Small Creatures Such as We and get myself back down to one book.