I’m beginning to understand why summer is not the time of year for introspection. During the school year, when both kids were out of the house all day, I got used to thinking a lot while I cleaned, while I ironed, while I shopped for groceries or prepped food. Between chores, between loads of laundry, during my afternoon cup of coffee, and on Tuesdays, when ironing and the grocery list were my only to-dos for the day, I would write about my solitary musings.
Now, with both kids home for summer, I am shocked by how little space I have to think. My ears are filled with the constant chatter of children, with funny conversations to overhear (“I’m going to stick blueberries up my nose.”) Chores are irregularly timed – the kids may wake up at 8 for breakfast or at 10 – and take longer to complete. There are more dishes after lunch and snacks, more corralling of playmates, more work undone immediately after I do it – cereal boxes on the table I just cleared, leaves tracked in where I just swept, books and UNO cards scattered on the couch and floor I just tidied – and more occasions for me to call, “Y’all need to clean this mess up.”
And in the small spaces between chores? I fill those gladly with cooking and cleaning lessons. On Tuesdays, rather than write, I host play dates, pick blueberries, or make homemade pasta with the kids.
I am simultaneously exhausted and invigorated by our summer days. At 7 and 9 our children require very little care-taking from me, but I don’t want to just go about my routine and leave them to fend for themselves. At least not 100% of the time. They are extraordinarily fun right now, and interested in everything, and I love taking advantage of summer to do things differently than we do during the school year. In my “free” time, when they do occupy each other or have friends over, I find myself researching campfire recipes so we can expand our camp cuisine repertoire, or prepping dinner at 3pm so my husband can grill it while our daughter and I are at swim practice. At night, we stay up later, finishing dinner well after 8 o’clock. On Sunday we took an evening walk at sunset (9 o’clock) to catch fireflies at dusk and to watch the super moon rise over mountains, and we didn’t get the kids to bed until 10. On other nights, we may not tuck the kids in until equally late. If my husband and I unwind with Mad Men after that, and then read in bed, it is often midnight before we turn off the lights.
And then, at 6 am, I wake to write. But mostly, after the morning to midnight activity of the previous day, I just stare at our desktop photograph of a dewy leaf and my brain does not move. I smell the warm scent of the coffee I’m waiting for. I feel Appalachian air through an open window and bask in its late June coolness. I say good morning to my husband when he goes downstairs to work out, and then hear a scrape of metal on the patio as he covers the grill in the quiet morning. I smell and feel and hear these things, but my mind goes no deeper than that sensory experience. I don’t care about the blank screen in front of me, or the manuscripts to send back out. I want to care, but I just don’t have the energy for it. I won’t think about them now. Not when our kids are home, and there are berries to pick, and ravioli to fill, and Dutch oven campfire recipes to research, and swim meets to cheer our daughter at. No, I don’t feel like turning inward right now. Not in summer. I’ll save that for fall.
Blueberries are ripe for U-Pick harvesting at 3 Birds Berry Farm in Blacksburg right now (late June). Blackberries should be ready early July, and raspberries two weeks after that.
Butterfly Mind 
Your comment about introspection was an epiphany for me! We homeschool (and have since the beginning of our son’s education, 7 years ago) yet I have noticed recently how greatly I treasure my “alone” time early in the mornings—–I, the extrovert! I absolutely delight in our homeschooling days and the adventures we share in reading, math and history….but apart from homeschool mom there’s also me, Wren, the woman who loves to write, read, cook, do needlework, watch movies. I doubt I will find the perfect balance this side of graduation and that is okay. Seems like it was just yesterday that he was the baby who sat on my hip….who is 11 already?? But I really liked your reminders of two things: delighting in our kids while we have them with us; and finding time to engage the adult who is also mom!
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Aren’t mornings blissful? 🙂 Yes, I think balance is critical for own mental health and to show our children that we have an identity beyond them, beyond our role as Mom.
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Enjoyed reading this very much….sounds wonderful. It can be a good thing to slow down. Take time to partake of children and summer. There will be plenty enough time later for introspection. My daughter is grown now and I miss those days, but I never have to look back with regret as I took the time to treasure them while they were there.
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Whenever I’m exhausted, I think about the kids looking back on these summer memories with fondness and it makes it all worthwhile.
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This rings so true! When my children were elementary-school aged, and I wasn’t working outside our home, I had long blocks of uninterrupted time. Unfortunately, I didn’t capitalize on that time and write. Now, my children are in high school and require much more of my time, both during the school year and summers. I don’t mind this, because I know that in only 3 years, they will be off to college. So, I try to balance their lives, my work and our home life, all the while attempting to write. Enjoy your wonderful summertime with your family. The winters come too fast.
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You caught me off guard with your comment that your high schoolers require more of your time than they did in elementary school. Im glad to know that so i can prepare! I always thought they required less the older they grow. In what ways do they require more time in their teenage years? Thanks!
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Sorry, didn’t see your response until today (a perfect example of life passing at the speed of light!) What I was trying to say is that with each passing year, your children need you in different ways. When my twins were in elementary school, they had longer school days. They played on the same soccer team, and participated in the same after-school activities. Now in high school, they have shorter school days and different extracurricular activities, which require transportation. (Driving teens to various activities can be quite educational because they forget the “chauffeur ” is listening! ) I like to be home with them after school so I can hear about their day–my kids actually like to talk to me. They are more independent in some ways, but still need you. It can be exhausting but it’s never dull!
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I feel the same way! I sort of deliberately underscheduled my 11 year old daughter this summer and am loving it. There was a whole week where she really, really liked me. This week? Not so much. But that comes with the age and there may not be another summer where she likes me so much so many days in a row for well, a long time.
I’ve heard that your kids need you more as they get older and it’s certainly true here. Some days she needs me to cart her around and have enough food on hand for the gang as they run in & out. Other days, she just needs me to be nearby and some days it’s all of the above.
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