Our daughter gets angry when she can’t do something perfectly the first time she tries it. She grumbles when she can’t get the stitches right the first time she knits, or she throws down her first macrame when the chevrons don’t match up, or she cries when she begins with the “expert” pattern for her rubber band bracelets and the tiny elastics snarl like a neon multicolored fishing net. I shake my head and tell her, “You can’t expect to get even the simplest pattern perfect the first time you try. You have to practice – after you’ve done a few, then you can move to the harder stuff.”
Like I have any room to talk.
Last December, I was a neophyte blogger. I’d barely logged 40 posts. Back then, I sat down at the keyboard and fired off blog posts when the spirit moved me, sometimes two days in a row, sometimes with two weeks between entries. I didn’t have a schedule. I didn’t concern myself with craft, with arcs, with cohesion and themes and, let’s face it, with having a point. Yet, last week, when I received two big rejections – rejections I truly thought would be acceptances – my heart caved in on itself. I was flooded with self-doubt, and thought, I chose the wrong path. I’m no writer.
Barely a year after starting a blog, I was devastated because my work was rejected by top notch literary journals. Our daughter gets it honest.
Our daughter also has a stubborn streak. If she can’t get the front door to unlock, she will grunt and turn the key harder, torquing metal til I think her little 8-year-old hand might break it off in the lock. She twists the key and stamps her foot, as if by will and brute strength she can tumble the bolt’s mechanism. She never succeeds. What the lock needs is for the key to be backed off. What it needs is a gentle jiggle.
After my initial tears, after I read the rejection notes and had my cries, I thought, I will power through this. I refuse to give up. Like my daughter, I set my chin and vowed, I will work harder, faster, stronger. (Read: finesse be damned.) I read an excellent and timely piece, Befriending Doubt, by Deborah Lee Luskin on the Live to Write – Write to Live blog, and was encouraged by Luskin’s acceptance of self-doubt. In the comments she mentioned that she once met a writer “whose goal was to receive 100 rejections in a year. He did it – and placed eight stories as a result.” I thought – Aha! That will be my 2014 goal: to receive 100 rejections. That will be a way for me to embrace rejection. One hundred rejections will mean I’m sending tons of work out. And out of 100 rejections, surely there would be one acceptance, right?
But. In a rare moment of clarity, unobscured by stubbornness or greedy I-want-it-and-I-want-it-now ambition, I realized that what I want, what I really want, is to become a better writer. I want to be proud of the work I send out. Instead of this manic, frantic need to publish, to receive validation, to believe someone else thinks I’m good, instead of starting at the endpoint, with publication, I’m going to start at the beginning: with craft. I want to learn to finesse instead of force.
At swim meets I tell our daughter, “Don’t be disappointed that you’re not first in your race. You’re still learning the strokes. Learn the basics first: how to dive off the blocks, how to kick, how to angle your arms, when to breathe. You’ll get better results with a better stroke.” How can I expect to win acceptances when I’m still learning how to write? Throughout 2013 I found myself wanting to read more about craft, to read my writing magazines, and Essay Daily, and the writing books I’ve bought but don’t finish because I’m frantically writing, pressuring myself to submit, submit, submit.
In 2014, my goal is not going to be 100 submissions, or 100 rejections, or even 1 acceptance. In 2014, I resolve to take the pressure off. In 2014, I resolve to work on craft.
1. I’m going back to the basics, starting with Strunk & White’s The Elements of Style.
Sadly, I no longer own my high school copy of this essential writer’s resource, but at $6.99, I think I can invest in it again*. The tiny volume is only 105 pages long, and it’s possible I will get to it before we even begin the new year.
2. I will read, cover to cover, the writing books I’ve begun and have not yet finished, that have been sitting on my Goodreads currently-reading shelf for far too long:
- Crafting the Personal Essay: A Guide for Writing and Publishing Creative Nonfiction by Dinty W. Moore
- The Writer’s Portable Mentor: A Guide to Art, Craft, and the Writing Life by Priscilla Long
- The Rose Metal Press Field Guide to Writing Flash Nonfiction: Advice and Essential Exercises from Respected Writers, Editors, and Teachers edited by Dinty W. Moore
3. I will practice one craft exercise per week. In my writing group we are working our way through Priscilla Long’s The Writer’s Portable Mentor, assigning ourselves homework exercises each week from her pages. Snapshots from the writing desk and Word trap were products of these assignments. I don’t always do the work (e.g. this week), but in 2014 I will prioritize this craft work.
4. I will befriend revision. Wow, you have no idea how hard that was to write. Revision is currently my biggest foe. I avoid eye contact and cross to the other side of the street when I see it coming. As a consequence, I’ve been sending work out too early, before it is ready. Until I look revision in the eye and start working with it, I have no business submitting work for publication.
It’s time to start at the beginning for once. I’m going to take the advice we give our daughter, and I am going to begin as a beginner, with beginner expectations instead of jumping to the end, expecting to be an expert before I am one. And little by little, year by year, I will get there.
*The Elements of Style is available free in ebook format on Project Gutenberg.
Butterfly Mind 
I know exactly where you and your daughter are coming from on this one. And I think you’re very wise to focus on your craft, instead of immediate recognition. You sound like you’re on your way to becoming what C. S. Lewis called a “sound craftsman”: http://joshuavandermerwe.wordpress.com/2013/10/14/why-i-write/
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Thank you so much for sharing that insight. I particularly loved this line from the Lewis quote: “If in your working hours you make the work your end, you will presently find yourself all unawares inside the only circle in your profession that really matters.” The success that is based on others’ affirmation will always feel ephemeral, while the success of working well and with integrity will always satisfy.
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Andrea, this was a good, heartfelt piece. Linking childhood frustrations with crafting to adult frustrations with your craft is a nice touch.
I’ve compared writing to athletics: you have to keep at it every day in order to get/stay in shape. But even that won’t guarantee “winning meets.”
One exercise I do to improve my craft is to read what I’ve written out loud. The ear will often catch what the eye misses.
The other “exercise” is a lesson learned from the ad business: When selling a product or service, think in terms of benefit to the customer.
In writing that means asking why do I want someone to read what I’ve written?
If I’m writing just for myself, might as well keep a diary.
But if I’m writing to get published, there should be something in those words that the reader can make his/her own, something they can identify with.
In the novel I just finished, I worked on themes that I thought different kinds of people could identify with. One group was fans of Jack Kerouac and the Beats. Another group were those who like to explore redemption and second chances in life. There were others too.
But I wrote trying hard to make it worthwhile for whomever was taking time out of their lives to read my words.
Taking this perspective made it easier to revise, particularly to cut out the parts I knew I’d written just for myself.
Writing is hard. Fortunately for me it’s easier than macramé. Now THAT’S really hard!
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Thanks Kurt. I will definitely be keeping an eye on revision techniques, including reading out loud, as I work through these books. I currently have a hard time distinguishing between what might be interesting to everyone else and what’s interesting to me. I’m often surprised by the posts that get a lot of attention, and more often by the ones that don’t. All part of the learning process. I hope you find a publisher for your book soon! Where is it set? Perhaps I could work the manuscript into my Andrea Reads America project.
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Hi Andrea,
Very kind of you to offer!
The title is “Jack’s Memoirs: Tales From Off The Road.”
The memoirs are a fictional account of what Jack Kerouac’s life might have been like had he not drunk himself to death in 1969 at 47.
It opens in St. Petersburg, FL, where he lived with his mother and wife.
After having been rushed to the hospital in the nick of time to save his life, he comes home a month later mostly healed physically.
After a few months he knows that the only way he can continue living is to keep writing.
But he also knows that he can no longer write as ‘Jack Kerouac, King of the Beats’ as the media crowned him in the late 50s when ‘On The Road’ debuted.
So he hatches a plan to fake his death, with the reluctant consent of his wife and mother, who agree to go along with his story that he died of hemorrhage and subsequently cremated.
Jack then hits the road as ‘Jack Moriarty, Travel Writer.’
He heads north first to Black Mountain, North Carolina, then Morehead City and Cape Hatteras.
From there he makes his way to Virginia Beach, New Haven, CT, and Gloucester, MA.
Off Cape Ann he has a near-death experience that proves transformational.
The book ends in the summer of 1970 just outside San Francisco.
I’ve skipped over a lot, but after many queries to potential agents, I’ve kind of honed the ‘pitch.’
It’s a full length novel: 500 pages/200,000 words.
But it only covers less than a year of memoir.
If it gets picked up, I’m prepared to write the rest.
This is probably more than you were asking for, but it’s a pretty layered story.
Thanks for asking about it.
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I feel exactly the same way – I realized recently quantity is not going to make up for quality. Time to slow down a bit. A timely post indeed. (btw-I’m glad to know I’m not the only one to cry over rejection emails.)
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YES. THIS –> “I realized recently quantity is not going to make up for quality. Time to slow down a bit.” That is exactly how I’m feeling. I’ve been feeling sloppy lately, and when I wrote this piece, I felt giddy with the idea of slowing down and really focusing on the art of writing. Good luck to you for doing the same.
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Your reflection on success and failure is pretty inspiring. I love the idea of aiming for rejections, knowing that some success inevitably comes along with it. I’m going to make some writing resolutions of my own. I have the Dinty Moore book, but I’m curious to hear what you think about the other two! When it comes to doubt, I always return to this idea from Richard Bausch:
“Here is how I mean it when I say that the doubt you feel is your talent: the whole feeling stems from having the ear in the first place to be able to tell when it isn’t singing as you want it to; it comes from hearing how far it is from the way you hope to make it sound. You can hear the difference because you have the talent, the ear. And, because the piece takes its slow sweet hard time getting right, you feel that fact as evidence that you can’t do it or won’t be able to do it; you look at the work of others, who also did it seventy-five times to get it right, and you can’t escape the sense that their smooth elegant lines are how it arrived the first time for them–whole cloth, as printed. So you turn that on yourself and start feeling it won’t ever be good enough, and the doubt sweeps in. Just do the day’s work. A little at a time. And then take yourself elsewhere in your life until the next day’s work.”
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Thank you so much for sharing that quote. It reminds me of a saying I heard once, “Don’t compare your inside with other people’s outside.” Bausch is absolutely right that we see a finished product and think it just came that way, when it almost certainly went through scores of revisions to achieve that polish. And I love his insight that our doubt is a reflection of our talent. Thank you for that encouraging idea.
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Thanks for this — looking forward to moving thru’ the Long book with you 🙂 Enjoy Strunk & White; that’s such a delightful tome. I also recommend Verlyn Klinkenborg’s splendid small jewel of a book, “Several Short Sentences About Writing.” I have copy I can loan you … and sorry for the sting of the rejections, tho’ it seems you are making lemonade as it were …
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Totally making lemonade. Spiked, of course. Also, I love the title of that book! I’m adding it to my list. But I’m not allowed to borrow it til I finish my others.
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It’s so great to have goals. I love the start of a new year just for that purpose. I’d love to follow along with your writing groups homework exercises each week if you’ll share them with us! I actually love writing books and read hundreds of them when I first started. Typically only one specific rule would stand out for me from each book but it’s the similarities that really stick with you. Cheers.
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What a great point. I think after reading several books, I will absorb basic lessons because they will show up over and over again, across the authors. As far as exercises go, we are working through Priscilla Long’s The Writer’s Portable Mentor. If you haven’t read that one yet, I highly recommend it. It is a get-in-and-get-dirty, hands-on craft book. I will be happy to post exercises here when they end up as more than a jumble of nonsense on my notebook’s page.
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A friend directed me to this post, and I just love it. Your goals are similar to mine, though I’m focusing on committing to a more regular writing schedule. I think Anne Lamott said something like, if you don’t have time to write now, you won’t ever have time. And it’s true. None of us are ever not going to be busy, so you have to carve out the time somewhere. Anyway, if you’re looking for more writing inspiration, I love this post on Brain Pickings that has lots of good quotes about sitting down and doing the work to become a better writer: http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/12/18/best-books-writing-creativity/ To 2014!
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What a wonderful list! Thank you for sharing this. Also, I stand 100% behind the regular writing schedule. Because of a dedicated practice time, I have more material than I can work with, which is a problem I am more comfortable with than having nothing at all. Now it’s a matter of training myself to believe that refining is as important a practice as generating new material. I have high hopes for your writing practice – it feels good to write regularly, no matter what words you put on the page. Good luck to you!
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Great post! I can identify wholeheartedly and I hope to increase and improve my output too. Thanks for the link to The Elements of Style.
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Sure thing, Margie. I started reading it yesterday, and I was shocked by how delightful it is. Who would have thought a grammar/rule book could be fun?!
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Lovely post! I recognize a kindred spirit in your daughter. Best of luck with your 2014 objectives.
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It’s funny how many folks have commented that they (or their daughters) are the same way. Perfectionists, every one.Thank you for the well wishes – I’m working on a strategy for getting it done. I’m sure I’ll write about it here.
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How honest and good and hardworking and, well, just . . . right! I so admire your clarity and persistence.
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Thank you Dee! It feels good to take the pressure off and get back to the simple joy of writing.
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